Georgie Fear : There is a moment in the lifespan of an urge that is so small most people miss it. It actually happens before the binge, before the might as well. Before you're standing in the kitchen with the package open. Before you say, I don't know what happened. We're talking about the moment when the urge first appears and your brain starts explaining it. often the first danger isn't actually having the urge itself. I mean, the urge is just an idea, but the danger is the story that forms around the urge. The urge might begin as a body sensation, like restlessness, tension, or a pull toward food. You might get a sense that you're just scanning your environment for something to eat. That part can be uncomfortable, but it's still workable. But then the story arrives. Here we go again. I can't handle this. I always do this. If I start, I won't stop. I am so broken I might as well. I already know how this ends. And that story changes everything. It takes a signal and turns it into a prediction. It takes discomfort and turns it into an emergency. It takes one moment of wanting and turns it into your whole identity. So today's episode is not really about how to defeat an urge in 60s. That would be a kind of silly promise, and I'm not interested in giving you any of those. This episode is about how to protect the first minute so the urge doesn't immediately become a crisis, a courtroom, or a foregone conclusion, I'm with you in this because I know how fast this can all happen. It can seem like there's no space at all between the urge arriving and the eating happening. But very often there is a space. It's just small and we can learn to make that space big enough to be usable. If you've been following this season, we've already talked about what urges are, how to map different urge types, and why wanting can be loud even when liking is low. Here's the time frame for today. In the first 60s, your job is not to decide whether you're going to eat. Your job is not to decide if this is a good day or bad day. Your job is also not to prove that you have enough willpower. Your job is to keep the urge from becoming a story. That's it. I want you to think of the first 60s as two waves. The first wave is sensation. The second wave is interpretation. This is actually how we experience a lot of the world not only urges to binge eat, we see, hear, or sense some signal, and then our brain is ready to jump in like a kid raring to leap into a pool. Story time. The brain loves story time. Here's what I mean. We see someone frowning in our direction at the gym. That's the first wave. The visual information. A person is frowning, and then the story arrives. They think I'm ugly. I shouldn't have worn these shorts. Or we wake up coughing one morning. That's the sensation. And then here comes the story. Crap. I was gonna visit my new nephew today. I can't go over there and see a new baby if I'm sick. And when we feel the urge to binge eat, the same process can happen. The first wave is sensation. Relatively neutral. I feel pulled, I feel restless, my body feels keyed up. My attention is narrowing. Then story time kicks in. I can't handle this. I'm going to binge. The day is ruined. I'm back at square one. The first wave is uncomfortable. The second wave is gasoline. So the skill I want to help you build today is not to make the first wave disappear. The skill is don't automatically pour that second wave on top of it. This matters because interpretation changes state when you tell yourself, oh no, this is terrible. Your body responds as though something terrible is happening. Your nervous system gets more activated, your urgency increases, and then the food starts to look even more compelling because now your system isn't just responding to the original urge, it's responding to the fear about the urge. And that's why stories are so powerful. They can add danger to discomfort. I want to be clear that this is not about blaming you for having thoughts. That's natural. The brain is a meaning making machine. It is constantly trying to predict what comes next. And if you have many past experiences where an urge led to a binge, of course your brain may predict, well, this is where we're going. That doesn't mean the prediction is true. Remember, your brain can only use old data. The first 60s give you a chance to not immediately obey that old forecast. A client once told me by the time I think, yeah, I'm going to binge. It feels like the decision was made long ago. And I said that thought is part of the urge. That's not the verdict. That distinction matters. I'm going to binge can feel like a fact, but it's often a fear dressed up as certainty. It's your brain trying to make sense of the intensity in your body. It's sort of like, oh, I'm going to forget the words right before you go on stage to sing a song. That's not a fact. It's just your fear that you're stating as a certainty. If we can catch these thoughts early and soften their authority, the whole moment stays more workable. So let's talk about what to actually do when you first notice an urge, however, you get that sensation in your body. The response I want you to practice is deliberately boring. This is an urge, that's all. And then it'll be here for a while and then it will leave. That's it. Not. Oh, no. No. Why is this happening? Not. Oh, God! I have to make it go away. Just. This is an urge, that's all. It'll be here for a while and then it will leave. I want this response to feel ho hum. Like you just looked out the window and noticed it was raining. Oh, rain. You don't have to love it. You don't have to pretend it isn't happening, and you're not going to run outside and fight the clouds. You just recognize what's happening and urge is here. That's all. And this matters because in that first minute, most of the damage comes from what we add to the urge, When you respond to an urge and label it this way, you are refusing to make the urge into something dramatic. You're refusing to turn it into a verdict. You are refusing to start the courtroom scene where you prosecute yourself for having a normal human experience. And you're also not pretending that it doesn't exist. That's important. Denial is not a great strategy. You're not saying I don't have an urge? It's no urge here. You're saying yes. There's an urge here. I see it, and I'm not going to panic about it. Also, you're not declaring war on the urge. You're not clenching your fists and saying, okay, it's on. I am going to defeat this urge. That sounds strong, but it often keeps the urge at the center of the room, hogging up all your attention. Battles are exciting, battles are activating, and battles invite more adrenaline. Also, by treating the urge in the way I'm suggesting. You're not fantasizing about the food. That's another big one. You're not starting that mental movie of what you want to eat, how good it will taste, how satisfying it will be. You know, that highlight reel that conveniently ignores all of the drawbacks. We talked about this in the last episode. Imagining the pleasure can turn wanting up even louder. That's not what we're going for. You don't need to rehearse the binge in your mind that is feeding the urge. You're also not negotiating with it. You're not asking, should I or shouldn't I? What if I just have a little. What if this is the last time? What if I start over tomorrow? What if I work out extra tomorrow? That conversation is not problem solving. It's attention. And attention is one of the ways urges thrive. You're also not trying to diagnose it immediately. There is a place for the urge map. I mean, we built that map for a reason. But the very first seconds of an urge are not always the best time to be asking those questions and finding the perfect category. First, get neutral. Keep the urge small. Stop it from becoming a story. And then once you have a little more room, you can ask what might this urge actually be asking for? This came across in my conversation with Glenn Livingston that we just recently posted on the show. He was talking about his method that he shares with people for overriding urges. And he talked through taking some parasympathetic system stimulating breaths where you breathe in and your exhale is longer than your inhale. Doing some of that gives you time and space to remind yourself why you don't want to eat whatever food it is that you're having the urge. He teaches people to connect the decision that they want to make with what makes them feel like a better, happier person. And then once they've gotten through the de-escalation phase, then they can say, you know, what is it that I really need? And that's the same thing I'm advocating for here. We're going to block the drama. And then once things are through the first minute, we'll start figuring out what we need from the urge map. So first neutral noticing, then support. Support comes second because that might mean food, rest, distance from the cue connection, or simply returning to what you were already doing. The important thing is that support comes from steadiness, not from panic. If you start off with panic, it's hard to get the accurate support that you need. By treating the urge like, yep, it's here. It'll be here a while and leave. We're calming the room enough that one ordinary next step becomes possible. This may sound too simple, but simple is the point when your nervous system is activated. A complicated tool just isn't going to get used. A long checklist can become another way to feel like you're failing, because you won't open a long checklist and start checking things off when you're in a really activated state. But this sentence is small enough to remember. Urges are temporary. They come in waves. They rise and fall. They may leave and come back, but they're not permanent states. Remember, urges are not commands, and they do not need to be obeyed in order to end. In fact, not obeying them is the best way to make them fade and die over time. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do in the first minute is to be deeply unimpressed. Oh, this is an urge. Not shocked or ashamed or even entertained. Just aware. Oh. Hey. Urge. That's how I want you to navigate the first 60s. After that neutral response, we'll go for a small, supportive move. But today we really want to master that first 60s. As you may have picked up from my tone of voice, the words aren't as important as the attitude. I want you to develop a nonchalant, unimpressed, unbothered feeling when it comes to feeling an urge like, oh, I sense that. Yeah, I've been through this before. They come, they go. No biggie. What else is going on in my life? Now, sometimes doing that will give you enough room where you aren't actually already in contact with food. You haven't actually picked it up and started eating it. And you can avert the entire regrettable eating incident. But sometimes people have strong enough habits that they notice the urge once they've actually already opened the pantry and sometimes are already involved in eating. This doesn't mean that the skill is unavailable to you. The moment that you notice is the start of your first 60s you can still say, this is an urge. That's all. You can still refuse to add the story. You can still let the urge be present without turning it into a verdict about the rest of the night. If you notice, halfway through, eating your neutral sentence might be this is still an urge. That's all. It'll be here for a while, and then it'll leave. That sentence can keep the moment from dipping further into. Oh, might as well. I've ruined everything. Nope. We don't do any of those stories around here. Recovery is full of moments where your awareness comes on the scene later than you wish it had. That's normal. The practice is not. Catch it at the perfect beginning. The practices come back in when you notice. And remember you're in the game and every time you come back in, you reduce the authority of the old story. Now, before we close, I want to name a few common mistakes that can happen in the first 60s because these are so understandable and they can quietly make your urges more intense. So I'm hoping I can save you that experience. The first mistake is making the urge mean too much. I had an urge, so I'm not better. I had an urge so I can't trust myself or I had an urge. So clearly I need stricter rules. No. An urge is a moment of wanting. It may be useful information, But it's not the verdict of anything. The second mistake is going straight to analysis. Some people here will be curious and believe they need to understand the entire origin story of the urge while they are actively in it. But the first minute is not for deep analysis. The first minute is for neutrality. Later you can ask, was I under fueled or lonely? Was I caught up in a cue chain in the first minute? Just keep it simple. The third mistake is feeling like the urge has to be completely gone before you can feel okay. You don't need the urge to disappear in order to go about living your life. Sometimes I have found it's most helpful for my clients to decide. Yeah, whatever. This unwelcome urge showed up. I'm going about my day just as I was before it showed up, not changing my plans on account of a little urge. The fourth mistake is turning a tool into a rule. So if you tell yourself, oh, I have to respond neutrally or I'm failing. Well, now this tool has become pressure. That's not what I want to give you. This is support, not a performance. So this week's practice is very small. I want you to practice the boring sentence three times when an urge appears. Say, this is an urge. That's all. It'll be here a while and then it will leave. You don't have to stop or block or fight the urge. You don't have to diagnose it perfectly. Just notice what happens when you decline to add any excitement or interest. Maybe the urge stays and that's okay. Maybe it softens. That's useful. Maybe it still feels loud, but you feel less panicked. Hey, that counts too. Maybe you notice the story your brain wanted to add. Like I already know how this ends. Can't wait to eat x, y, z. Food is the only thing that will help. Good. If you notice that sentence, you can stop your brain from adding it and say, nope, thanks. Hang on to that. We don't need it right now because the first 60s are just a small moment, and in that small moment, you can prevent an entire avalanche. In the next episode, we're going to talk about what happens a bit forward in time, not in the first 60s of an urge, but what you can do to better understand your urges in the long term sense, the role they have played in your life. It's a great topic. I look forward to discussing it with you. See you next week. As always, if you need a hand or are struggling, drop me an email Georgiefear at gmail dot com or swing by confident eaters dot com to see more about coaching options.