ep 3 Why Stress Makes Eating Feel Out of Control

A client once said to me, Georgie, the moment I take the first bite, it's like I've signed a contract. Like, well, here we go. And I knew exactly what she meant because for so many people, the hardest part of binge eating isn't only the amount of food they end up consuming. It's actually the moment after the first bite when it suddenly feels like the brakes are gone. Maybe, you know, this moment you weren't even that hungry. You were actually doing okay, and then you start eating something. Maybe it's a treat. Maybe it's something you told yourself you shouldn't be having. Maybe it's just whatever's easiest. And suddenly your brain gets narrow and everything feels urgent. Sometimes it's enjoyable, but a lot of the time it's not. Sometimes it's frantic. Sometimes it's numb. Sometimes it feels like you're watching yourself from the outside. And afterwards it's easy to turn it into a verdict. See, I have no self-control. I can't be trusted around food. I'm addicted. I'm hopeless. I want to slow this whole sequence way down today. And I want you to know I'm with you in this. My job in this episode, as I see it, is to help this make sense. So you're not alone in the moment, and you're not guessing at what this all means. Because once I start, I can't stop. That's just a mindset problem. It's not a willpower problem, and it's not evidence that you're failing at recovery. There are real, predictable reasons that loss of control shows up, especially under stress and restriction. If you listened to the first two episodes in this season, you'll recognize this as the moment where Pressure on the system finally exceeds capacity. The goal of today's episode is to help you understand what's happening in that moment, so you can stop treating it like a personal failure and start working with your brain and body in ways that actually reduce the intensity of that. The brakes are gone. Feeling. First, I want to clarify what I mean by loss of control. Some people hear binge eating and they picture only quantity. But what most people are distressed by is the internal experience. Loss of control eating is when your brain shifts into an urgent, narrowed state. Food becomes the main focus and pausing feels unusually hard. It can feel like you're on autopilot, speeding up, thinking less clearly, and telling yourself stopping is pointless or doesn't even count. It's less about the amount you eat and more about the internal experience of the brakes are failing and I'm skidding on the ice. And this matters. You can eat a large amount of food without losing control, and you can experience loss of control eating with a smaller or normal amount of food. So what we're talking about today is the state shift. The moment it feels like you're no longer driving. That state shift usually isn't caused by one single thing. It's the result of multiple forces stacking together, each one adding pressure to the same system. When someone says, once I start, I can't stop. There are usually four things going on at the same time. Here are the four forces I see most often behind that brakes gone feeling. You may recognize one. You may recognize all four. One. Your brain associates food with feeling better. Your brain doesn't just respond to food, it responds to what it expects food to do, especially under stress, under fueling or emotional load. If your brain has learned that certain foods reliably create relief, calm, numbing, comfort, reward, it will generate a powerful pull toward those foods. And here's an important distinction: that pull the wanting can be extremely intense, even when the eating itself isn't that great. Craving is not a reliable measure of pleasure. If you've ever thought mid binge, this isn't even that good. That's not a contradiction. It's a clue. It means the drive system is running hotter than the pleasure system. You're not continuing because it tastes amazing. You're continuing to eat because your brain is chasing an effect. Relief. Quiet. Numbing. All those things I mentioned a moment ago. For some people, this is why the first bite feels so activating. It's like confirming a forecast. The system goes yes, that's the relief button and momentum just ramps up. And this is often where people jump to the conclusion that they must avoid certain foods forever. And I understand why that thought shows up. But that isn't the solution. The solution is reducing the conditions that make the first bite ignite a chain reaction, reducing pressure on the system. Number two scarcity. If you've lived with food scarcity, either literal or psychological, your brain becomes preoccupied with food. Scarcity doesn't have to mean that you've spent years calorie counting. It can sound like, oh, I can't eat too much. I need to be careful. I'll make up for this later tomorrow. I'll be really good and eat less. In that context, if that script is running in your mind all the time, eating isn't just about taste. The desire of binge eating becomes about limitlessness. It's about getting the thing before it gets taken away again. And it's why the urge isn't for a cookie or a chip. It's for the entire bag. Scarcity inflates the reward value of anything. And it also creates urgency. Speed makes pausing and choosing rationally very hard. Third body Vulnerability. This is the unglamorous part, but it matters enormously. A lot of people are trying to solve binge eating psychologically while their body is under fueled, exhausted, dehydrated, stressed, or running on fumes. Hunger isn't only a growling stomach. Needing to eat can show up as irritability, constant thoughts about food, a short fuse, or that almost anxious urgency to eat. Fatigue matters too. When you're tired, your brain has less capacity for flexibility and inhibition. Stress narrows your focus and makes immediate relief feel far more valuable than long term intentions. Here's a prototypical client pattern I see. Someone tells me, Georgie, I'm fine all day, and then nighttime hits and I lose it. It's like the witching hour or something. So we zoom in on the day and I ask for more details. It turns out breakfast was coffee and something small because they were in a hurry. Lunch was a salad. That wasn't enough. During the afternoon they had back to back meetings. Maybe a kid pickup, maybe traffic, maybe a hard conversation, maybe a deadline. And by the time they get to the kitchen at six or seven or even eight p m, the system is not making a good food decision from a neutral place. It's making rash decisions from a place of depletion. And here's another layer that often pours gasoline on that depletion. The thoughts that escalate stress. A lot of my clients have a familiar mental loop that sounds like I don't have enough time. I don't have enough time, just not enough time, or this is too much, or I'm never going to catch up or I can't do all of this. Those thoughts aren't information. They're alarm signals. And when you repeat them, your nervous system hears danger. Hurry. Panic goes up, capacity goes down, and food starts to look like the fastest exit. So one small skill here is to notice when you're fanning the flames with that kind of thinking, and gently switch yourself to something more stabilizing. Something like, okay, this is a lot, and I will take one thing at a time, or I don't need to solve my whole life tonight or slow is allowed. I can keep getting things done and just keep going slowly. This isn't all about trying to be positive, it's more about trying to be regulating so your brain has a chance to choose instead of just grab. And I'll add something personal here because this was a huge piece of my own learning. For a long time When I was stressed, my default was handle it alone. I did everything myself. I was. This is the phrase I use. Pathologically independent. I didn't call, didn't ask. I didn't lean on anybody. I just pushed through. And in the last five years, only, I started practicing a different mantra. And I've shared it with a lot of clients because it's simple and it works. Turn to people, not food. And this isn't because food is bad, but because stress is lighter when you don't have to carry it by yourself. And no, Captain Crunch does not count as company. So if you notice that panicky loop starting up, I don't have enough time. This is too much. One of the most regulating things you can do is make contact. Send a text. Call somebody. Open your mouth and tell your spouse what's actually going on. Not just I'm stressed, but what happened and what you're feeling about it, it can be surprising how much better you feel after five minutes of being understood. And that shift, feeling less alone can lower the urgency to use food as the only relief valve. So one of the most important questions to ask before you judge yourself is what was my day like before this started? Very often, what feels like it came out of nowhere, didn't it came out of a system running low. Number four, the thought that flips the switch. the fourth piece is usually some version of well, I already messed up my eating or this day is ruined, or I might as well keep going or I'll start over tomorrow. That thought changes the meaning of what's happening. It turns eating into binging. And once that label gets applied, stopping can just feel pointless. This is why language matters so much. I blew it isn't neutral. That's a trap door. Replacing it with something more accurate, like I'm having the urge to escalate keeps the problem solving part of your brain online. So what do we do with this? Well, we're going to try a couple leverage points that give you traction again. Leverage point number one stabilize your baseline. So the first bite isn't gasoline Consistent, adequate eating during the day reduces urgency dramatically. For many people, the most powerful anti binge plan is unsexy regular meals, planned snacks, and enough satisfaction that your brain does not feel deprived. If your binges happen at night, pay close attention to the afternoon under fueling earlier in the day is the pressure that shows up later. And as I said in the previous episode, don't skip the starch, don't skip the fat, don't skip the protein at your meals. Really. Just eat all the food groups. Leverage point number two. Add a speed bump that restores choice after you start. If the hardest part is the moment after that first bite, then we want a tool that can work after that first bite. Not a rule that requires you to be perfect before it. I like a simple structure I call plate and pause, and this is important. This isn't a rule that you would use at every meal. It's a tool for risk moments, the times and foods where you're most likely to feel that. Here we go. Acceleration. So you might use it at night, after a stressful day, or with foods that tend to feel charged. Or you might use it any time you notice speed urgency. eating straight from the package or that thought spiral starting. Put the food on a plate. Sit down, eat your first portion normally, and then build in one pause point before deciding what's next. And if you forget and you're already three bites in, you can still do it. The pause can happen anywhere. This isn't a pause to force yourself to stop eating. This is a pause to make a decision from a steadier place. Just like speed bumps, they bring a little more attention to our speed. And if we slow down, we have more control during the pause. Don't ask, should I stop? Ask okay, what do I need right now? Here's a script you can borrow because in the moment your brain may not have very good words. Okay, I can feel the urge speeding up. I'm not in trouble. I'm allowed to eat. I'm also allowed to slow down. What do I actually need? Food, rest, comfort or a break? Sometimes the answer is more food. And that's allowed. Sometimes it's rest, sometimes it's relief, and sometimes it's connection. This is where that mantra comes back in. Turn to people. Not food. Not as a rule, just not as the default. If you feel yourself speeding up, you can make contact before you decide what to do next. Maybe send a text that says, can you talk for two minutes or I'm having a hard moment, can you just be with me? And if you live with a partner, get specific. Instead of I'm stressed, try. Here's what happened today and here's what I'm feeling. that kind of contact, doesn't solve everything, but it often lowers the pressure enough that the food doesn't have to do the whole job. Pausing without mandatory stopping restores agency. And I want to say this super clear capital letters stopping mid binge is success. Pausing for 60s and continuing to binge is success. Interrupting the spiral at any point is success. Your brain learns from these interruptions, not from getting everything perfect, and every interruption is part of the rewiring process. Here's one more important truth the belief I can't stop once I start isn't accurate. Every binge has ended. You've stopped before, even when it felt impossible. That means you can influence when you stop next time. Maybe it'll be sooner. It's not all or nothing. So if I can't stop once I start. Has been your proof to yourself that you're powerless. I want you to leave with a different conclusion today. This is a predictable state shift. Wanting ramps up. Scarcity adds urgency. Your body is vulnerable and the thought like I blew it can just flip the switch. I'm with you in this and I want this to make sense. Not so you can judge yourself better, but so you can help yourself sooner. This week, try one leverage point. Stabilize your baseline earlier in the day by eating adequately and use plate and pause as your speed bump. After the first bite, even a sixty second interruption counts. In the next episode, we'll zoom out and look at how these patterns form over time and where the cycle actually started. And if you want help applying this to your real life, your evenings, your stress loops, the moments when you feel hijacked, you can work with me. Coaching details are in the show notes. Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.