Is Recovery Just Willpower?

Is recovering from binge eating a matter of willpower? Are we wasting our time looking for answers in books, podcasts, therapists, when what we really need is to buck up and try harder? Find out why I say no. (And why the implication that "all it takes" is willpower makes me bristle).

“I feel restriction acutely,” Marisa writes. “Even telling myself, "you could eat that, but you're not hungry" makes me feel deprived. My desire to binge in response to any limits is really strong. How do I stop binging without feeling restricted?”

The very next email in my inbox read “It’s been amazing to have these last 4 weeks of not being on a diet, it’s incredible how much more at peace I feel. But I worry because I do want to lose weight in the future, so won’t I need to put some sort of limitation in place then? But then I’m afraid I’ll just go back to bingeing because it’s so clear that having limits on my food sends me off the deep end.”

These two client quotes are just a small window into how prevalent this phenomenon is. I call it Food Limit Reactivity - and this episode is all about what it is, why it can hold you back from the life you want, and most importantly, how we can reduce it.

(Intro)

Food limit reactivity is a term I use to describe the intense, negative reactions people develop to having any kind of limit on their food intake. It often sounds like the title of this episode, “just thinking about cutting back makes me want to binge.”

This intense, negative reaction can come up if you are told you can’t eat in a particular situation, (I’m sorry, there’s no food permitted inside these lecture halls). It can also arise when limits are placed on particular types of food (no animal products are allowed at this yoga retreat, so no yogurt or cheese, and definitely no meat.) Reactions can also be sparked if you are told you may only have x amount of food, like a certain amount of calories or points.

The limit doesn’t have to be a hard limit or an absolute. Perhaps no one tells you outright that you aren’t allowed to eat after 8 pm, but each time you go fix yourself a snack before bed, your roommate eyes you in a suspicious way and says, “didn’t you have dinner just a couple hours ago?”

Food limit reactivity doesn’t even have to be from an outside source - it can be kicked off by limits we put on ourselves, like, planning to go on a diet, or even just thinking about it. You don’t have to actually have your food intake limited to have a negative reaction to the threat of a limit.

The reactivity isn’t just emotions, but also often leads to behaviors, most predominantly binge eating or the urge to binge, and sometimes to hoard food, buying excessive amounts of food, hiding it for your private consumption, or a combination of those behaviors.

Clients have told me that going to see a naturopath who told them they had to give up gluten, dairy and soy set off binge eating for weeks. Going to visit a family member who eyes your plate and says, are you really still hungry? Boom, same reaction. How about food shortages, like going to the store during the pandemic and seeing literally bare shelves where you are used to seeing a boundless lineup of boxes and cans and produce? Triggered! Many of my male clients began binge eating after deciding to get shredded. They followed a strict bodybuilding diet for a period of time, developed a binge eating problem, and now the very idea of going back into a cutting phase is unnerving and destabilizing.

If you thought it was just you, it’s not just you.

I don’t only want to talk about this problem because it’s a pain in the butt. I mean, it is a pain in the butt for sure, but there’s an even more important reason to discuss food limit reactivity. It’s one of the key factors of binge eating that goes unaddressed by most treatment programs. Many programs take the approach of removing all limits on food, to help with reducing the resulting reactions. While this can absolutely help quell the urge to binge, one problem that often occurs is that eating without any limitations whatsoever usually produces significant weight gain. Secondly, the “eat everything all the time, don’t ever say no” approach doesn’t address the reactivity itself. Many programs demonize any form of restraint around food as “restriction”, and imply that it is the ultimate evil. No restrictions, ever, is the mindset they encourage. Since most people suffering from binge eating are restricting themselves excessively, this is a massive relief, and I see it as an improvement, but I don’t think it should be a final destination.

For people who follow programs recommending zero limits on anything ever, any sort of food limit remains a hot button which can set off binges. While it’s possible to avoid a lot of these hot buttons, there are occasions where restraint or some limit around food is going to happen. There are some rational and healthy reasons to have restraint around food. If a person has to fast before a medical procedure, or navigate dietary changes recommended by their doctor or dietitian, but they have internalized the message that any form of restraint equals restriction, and that means you will binge….they will experience intense distress which can trigger a relapse into uncontrolled eating.

It’s my opinion that labeling all restraint around food as restriction and demonizing it, is an oversimplification which actually causes people harm.

We have to help people reduce food limit reactivity if they will ever be able to modify their diets as they choose, including being able to lower their cholesterol, improve their blood sugar management or lose weight.

This is why it’s a key indicator to watch during the recovery process. We want to see it decrease over time. And when people work through our program, that’s exactly what happens.

To be clear, the goal isn’t to be okay with food limits so we can starve ourselves! The goal is to be resilient enough so that if we want to take steps towards a goal, we can engage healthy, rational decision making and utilize self-control skills to succeed. Inability to tolerate any guiding parameters on food isn’t true freedom, it makes us slaves to immediate gratification.

Now that I’ve described food limit reactivity, you can look inward and see how much the concept resonates with you. If you feel anger, rebellion, panic or urgency to eat at the idea or mention of food limitation, notice that. That probably isn’t how you always were, and it’s not necessarily the way you always will be.

If you’ve been feeling reactive, deprived, or restricted by any form of real or imaginary food limitation, that’s not something you have to put up with forever. It’s a myth that any form of restriction is evil and harmful and is a ‘forever and always nono’. It’s true that if you have a high level of food limit reactivity, that you need to be gentle and give yourself time to become less reactive so that you don’t trigger your own vulnerabilities. It may be a new idea that takes some getting used to, but there’s a lot of benefit to updating your thinking. When you consider food limit reactivity as an individual attribute that varies person to person and can change over time, we can see why some people have an easier time following nutrition guidelines than others (they have low food limit reactivity, lucky them). And it also helps shine a light of hope on our own futures. We can calm this reactivity, and enjoy more feelings of safety and security around food.

Stay tuned for part 2, where we will talk about how food limit reactivity can change and improve over time. It does take time and reassurance and trust, but I think your life is worth it.

© 2021 Breaking Up With Binge Eating