How to Eat Like A "Normal Person"
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Georgie: [00:00:00] This is the breaking up with binge eating podcast, where every listen moves you one step closer to complete food freedom hosted by me, Georgie fear and my team at confident eaters. I want to eat like a normal person. That's what people tell us over the phone, on Zoom, via email, or written into our new client assessment. It's a common goal as non flashy and down to earth as it can be. Today, christina and I are gonna dive into this idea, what it means and what makes a person a so-called normal eater.

Christina: it's a topic that comes up a lot on client calls and when someone tells me their goal is to quote, eat normally, my mind wonders What does a normal person eat like? Do we have a definition or more specifically, what is this client's interpretation of normal that they aspire to?

Georgie: Obviously a client using this phrase feels like their own eating is not normal in some way, but there's infinite ways to be not normal, right? Like Christina, I always ask the client some follow-up questions when eat like a normal person is included in their goals. I.

Christina: Some things I find helpful to discuss include the client's observation of anyone they would point to as a normal eater. Maybe they know someone who fits the definition and can specify what behaviors they picked up on. I might ask, what do you observe about the person around food? What's so normal and how is your eating different?

Georgie: Commonly, my clients say that they notice other people leave food on their plates, but they personally always finish whatever serving landed in front of them. Sometimes my clients have noticed that other people eat very little or seemingly don't eat at [00:02:00] all. During a marathon workday, I 've had many instances where a client describes a family member or a child who forgets to eat when they're busy or having fun playing. These descriptions generally convey astonishment that forgetting to eat is even possible.

Christina: The first example you gave makes me wonder if leaving food on a plate is even normal, given how many people clean their plates. Maybe leaving food behind or eating every bite are both normal.

Georgie: Agreed. Both are really common. I imagine servers and restaurants see a lot of empty plates come back to the kitchen, as well as a lot of people wrapping up food to take home. I. I mean, putting food directly in your sweatshirt pocket, that would be abnormal for sure, but leaving some food behind or not, both seem like very reasonable things to do, especially given that serving sizes vary so widely.

I've gone places and there's enough food on one plate to feed two people, and then other places I've gone, it's like I'm, I'm kind of still hungry and there's nothing left on the plate.

Christina: So I think it's important to highlight here early on that normal eating is certainly a range and not one specific set of behaviors. better to shoot for a normal eating than perfect eating. I'm not even sure that I believe perfect eating exists. You and your friend might be different, but both healthy and normal. For example, if you're eating with some friends for lunch and you observe their eating behaviors, you happen to notice that they eat much less than you. But there might be more going on to the story than you can see in front of you. Maybe it hasn't been very long since they last ate because they got a late start and ate a later or breakfast, or maybe you've already been very active that day and it's been several hours since you've eaten, so you're more hungry for the meal than your friend is. maybe your friend is just trying to save money by eating something before she came and she wanted to join you for a snack. There could be [00:04:00] a million reasons why you're eating differently than that person. Everyone has different energy needs and lifestyles, so learning what a normal range looks like for your personal needs is helpful.

Georgie: Part of the confusion people experience over healthy or desirable or hashtag eating goals is because we're comparing ourselves to the eating that we see around us, but sometimes what we see as healthy or desirable might not actually be normal or healthy.

For example, maybe the mom you met at your son's school told you she only eats green vegetables because the other ones are fattening. Or the super fit person at your gym brags about how they consume protein supplements three times a day to hit their protein target. If you open up Instagram at any given point of the day, you'll hear somebody saying, don't eat fruit 'cause it has too much sugar, and then just a brief scroll later, someone is claiming you can eat anything you want, but you have to count calories because that's the only way to be healthy. Calorie counting is not in fact required to live a healthy lifestyle. And for some people being so rigidly controlled can lead to poor health. It really can take a toll on somebody's mental wellbeing.

Christina: In college, it was normal for me and my classmates to pull all-nighters and survive off diet Coke and blueberry muffins, and then we would binge drink on the weekends and eat McDonald's at three in the morning. I'm not sure that's very healthy. Actually. I am sure it's not healthy. One client told me her and her friends often go out to eat for several course dinners, but her friends are constantly stressing about how many calories are in each dish and end up ordering a side of steamed vegetables only. And my client is wondering what's wrong with her, that she cannot have such control over her own eating as she makes herself a full plate of food. I think the most frequent time I've heard people say they just want to eat like a normal person is after they've had a binge or emotional eating episode, [00:06:00] or if they felt really out of control at the dessert table at the party they went to. There's a lot of self-judgment in comparison tied in for them. Also, when clients tell us that they wanna be a normal eater or eat like a normal person, our follow-up questions often reveal that what feels abnormal and undesirable is their thought processes and emotions around food. Thinking about food all day long, budgeting their calories with extreme precision or feeling shame and extreme sadness after eating one extra cookie. We agree that these distressing experiences can be improved as someone moves toward confident, sensible eating, but you never know how common or normal they actually may be. There could be a lot of other people in a room stressing over what they ate that morning for breakfast, but you only get to witness what's going on in your own skull, so you may feel abnormal in a room where half the people are doing the same thing.

Georgie: There is something normative about not being happy with your body. And you know, one of the things that one of my favorite authors talks about is normative discontent and how. Women especially have, it's almost a rite of passage to just talk about your body and how fat it is and how you don't like it, and how it's strange, and I don't wanna use the word like normal or abnormal, but it's less common to be somebody who is comfortable in your body. I always like when pop stars, like Lizzo or Meghan Trainor, you know, talk in their songs, or Sabrina Carpenter, talk about like, I'm the best.

I'm so hot, you can't keep your eyes off me. And I'm like, I love that. It's so refreshing. Partially because it's, it's not the most common thing that we see. This is one of the reasons we don't often use the word normal to describe eating well. Normal eating meaning what most people do, might still not be that great.

Normal levels of physical activity certainly aren't enough to prevent disease, [00:08:00] and the majority of people experience a slow weight gain over time. They go off and on diets and their weight. Yo-yos up and down. What we like to call confident, sensible eaters are more relaxed and happy with their food lives than the average person.

They don't go on and off fad diets. They eat pretty well most of the time. And as it turns out, new clients who come our way actually like the sound of this far more than being just a normal eater. I looked for some data to see if my hunch that striving to be a normal eater might not be so great, and I found some interesting numbers.

The following numbers were gathered by the International Food Information Council. You can find them on the CDC survey data website. Only around 50% of people regularly stop eating when they're full. Over 50% of people eat because of stress, at least sometimes. Over 15% of people feel guilty about what they eat always or often.

That's a significant portion. 15 out of a hundred people always feeling guilty about what they eat or often feeling guilty about what they eat. So I think to an individual that sort of constant low level guilt or preoccupation with food can feel strikingly unusual, but it's actually 15% of the population.

Maybe this brings you some measure of relief. You might be realizing, wow, okay, eating too much or stress gnashing, and then feeling guilty over what I ate isn't so strange or abnormal after all. You don't have some rare disease that's only afflicted eight people before. In all of medical history, you're battling the same difficulties as millions of other people this very day.

Which doesn't mean you have to just settle for it. No! We know that you can feel better and we help people do it every day. So let's talk about what characterizes the better than normal eating style that you can aim for, [00:10:00] and then we'll cover concrete steps to help you move closer to it this week.

Christina: Confident, sensible eaters do the following. First, they listen to their appetites. They can feel when they're hungry, and use this information to help schedule their eating. Similarly to how a baby might sleep when it's tired, and be playful when it's not tired. It's an excellent goal to try to eat when you're hungry and not eat when you aren't hungry.

Georgie: A little side note, it occurs to me that that's normal for kids, but less and less normal as we age to sleep when we're tired and eat when we're hungry. Confident, sensible eaters enjoy food and they look forward to eating. Sometimes this surprises my clients who have supposed that they should be adopting a view of food as like only fuel. Not at all. There's no benefit to stripping eating of its inherently pleasurable aspects. The sensory pleasure, creativity, and the bonding aspects of creating and consuming meals is life-Giving. Your food doesn't have to be flavorless, unappealing, or boring to be a healthy person.

Christina: They also eat in a way that leaves them physically comfortable. Feeling tired and bloated after meals or tossing and turning all night, due to uncomfortable amounts of food in your stomach are no one's idea of a good time. You don't have to settle for feeling like this on a regular basis.

Georgie: Confident, sensible eaters eat a wide variety of foods. Healthy, balanced diets ideally include all types of food. It's not necessary to banish carbs, give up fruit, or stop eating meat. In fact, doing so can work against you. The more limited a person's food intake becomes, the more at risk they are for nutrient deficiencies, not to mention boredom.

Plus, consuming a diverse range of carbohydrates and fibers is the best and really only way to maintain a resilient gut biome. You can't do that if you only eat the same three plants each week. It's [00:12:00] best to consume dozens of different grains, fruits, vegetables, seeds, and legumes. A healthy gut biome favors a healthy body weight by regulating your appetite, and it has far reaching benefits including immunity and mental health.

Christina: Confident, sensible eaters accept dietary imperfection. Even when the behaviors we just listed, eating when hungry, stopping when satisfied, et cetera, are well practiced, exceptions are gonna happen. The odd Thanksgiving dinner that takes you into stuffed territory isn't a major tragedy, and forming a healthy mindset around eating includes keeping imperfection and variance in perspective. Paradoxically feeling intense, intolerable distress over dietary mishaps makes them more likely to repeat. So our work often includes helping people calm themselves and stay cool when it happens.

Georgie: They don't have food on their minds 24 hours a day, seven days a week. As we said earlier, food can absolutely be an enjoyable part of a healthy life. if someone obsesses or thinks about food more of the time than they'd like, it can be an indication that they lack other sources of joy or enrichment. We see the confident, sensible eaters enjoy eating while having space in their minds and their lives for other things they love, like pursuing passions or hobbies and growing relationships.

Constant food noise can be replaced by enjoying the outdoors, crafting or engaging in creative pursuits, practicing joyful movement, expressing yourself through style, investing in your community, friendships, family relationships, or your relationship with yourself. All of these things are joyful pursuits you can begin deliberately giving your attention to, instead of allowing your mind to stay focused on food as if it were the only source of pleasure available to you. It takes work to drown out the food noise, but it pays off immeasurably.

Christina: Confident, sensible eaters respond to. [00:14:00] Stress in non-food ways. They have the skills to talk about how they're feeling, set boundaries in relationships, say no sometimes, ask for help when needed, and request support from others instead of imploding under unmanageable pressure. Before people learn these skills, they often use eating, buying food, preparing food, or thinking constantly about food and body weight as a way to help cope with stress through distraction. When clients mention to me that their friend, Margot is such a healthy eater, or their parents have zero food issues, I often ask them, what does that person do when they're upset or had a terrible day? Answers often sound like when she's upset, Margot texts me to vent. My mom would go out for a run. My dad would go work on the car. They prayed, they talked it out, they cleaned, or they just got really quiet. There are countless ways to respond to stress or intense emotions, and people with healthy food eating habits typically have been taught to use tactics other than eating, and these skills can be learned by anyone. So if you've ever felt like an abnormal eater, you're not alone.

You are acceptable and lovable right now, even if your eating isn't yet where you'd like it to be.

Georgie: To move forward, you can listen back through the characteristics of what we call confident, sensible eating, and ask yourself which of these qualities or abilities you already have. And which ones you could develop a little more. If you're floundering on your own, working with a coach one-on-one can get you unstuck.

There's no reason to think you can't embody all of these behaviors since none of them require rare genetics or superhuman powers. Commit to trying either one new thought pattern or one new eating behavior this week. Try it for a while and see how it goes. Let us know what you try. We're curious how it goes, and we learn from you all the time.

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